Chuck, my adventure guide

I have no idea how long I plan to be in Portland – six weeks, six months, a year, but I’ve been making a list of the things I want to do while there. The list is pretty standard: fishing, camping, tour the cheese factories (I heart cheese in a BIG way), visit the country’s smallest national park. Okay, maybe standard in a Diane way. But a friend from Portland recommended I read Chuck Palahniuk’s Fugitives and Refugees: A Walk in Portland, Oregon.

I picked it up this past weekend, and have read only about 30 pages, but the list has already grown immensely.

For example, I must visit the self-cleaning house. There is a house in Portland that was built in a way that does not require vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing. The floors and walls are washed with the flip of a switch, and all of the water washes out through the fireplace – the art on the walls is waterproof to allow this to happen. Trinkets are kept in specially designed boxes so there is no need for dusting. The owner’s clothes move from closet to closet, a washing closet, a drying closet, then arrive at the last closet, ready to wear. Pure architectural genius.

Another Portland must-do is the adult soapbox derby, where participants race their homemade cars down Mount Tabor. According to Chuck, “Cars crash. People are hurt. And someone wins.” Luckily, the finals happen at the end of August, right when I arrive!

One I may not get to do, since I must earn my keep and make a living, is the Monk-for-a-Month. There is a monastery southwest of Portland in Lafayette that allows non-Monks (that would be you and me) to live as Trappist monks for 30 days. Each day starts with vigil prayers at 4:15 in the morning. The rest of the day is spent “binding books, baking fruitcakes, and tending the forest.” I’d probably last 12 hours… tops. But it’d be a learning 12 hours, nonetheless.

And these are just a few from the list… from the first 30 pages.

If the list continues to grow, which I know it will (I’ve peeked ahead and saw chapters on strange museums, gardens not to miss, and places to get your picture taken), this adventure may take longer than six weeks, six months, a year.

Here’s to Chuck.